I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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