The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
