anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
