new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
