I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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