the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
