Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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