I accidentally burped into my bong.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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