I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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