so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
