I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
