i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
