guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
