Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just gargled with NyQuil
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
