I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
