I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize