I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize