My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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