No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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