Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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