you guys were way drunker than both of me
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
