You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
