i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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