he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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