i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
