He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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