ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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