i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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