So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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