When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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