we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
