I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
