i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
