I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
