Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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