You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
