Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Randomize
