and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
