The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
