Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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