So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
