the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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