i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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