my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
