is your mom at the bar?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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