why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
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or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
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Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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