By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
