i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
