I wish I could punch you in the face.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
