:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I faked an abortion last night.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize