Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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