Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I have post one night stand depression
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
