Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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