I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
