So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
