'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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