after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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