The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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