There is no way he is gay with that hair.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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