I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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