I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
