Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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