Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
