God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
