It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I cut my penus on the lid.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
