u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
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My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
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The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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