Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wish you could order shots online.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
