2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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