He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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