Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
