You're my little dorito
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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