sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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