new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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