Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
