so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
