no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
