I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
