She bit a glass in half.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
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I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
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Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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