You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
