All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
as a side note pls kill me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
