can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
