Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
