I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
