I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My vagina just clenched in fear
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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