it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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