dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
