Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
